November 12th, 2023
I'm making moves to get my ass driving, saving money to buy a car, and get out of Florida sooner rather than later. This past paycheck, due to being more aggressive with paying down my credit cards as well as dental bills, my savings have not grown. It's just under $400 right now, and it was at roughly $450 two weeks ago which is incredibly annoying. Going forwards, I am comfortably able to put away at least $250 every two weeks. Maybe more. I don't spend much more than $50 for myself and I send my big brother Brendan $20-$30 for gas. It's the stuff for my mom that's in contention right now.
The way things have worked in the past has been that I'd get paid. My paycheck would be split between my Chime and Cashapp accounts, where the first $500 would go into Chime and the rest would overflow into my Cashapp. 10% of the Chime portion would automatically get drafted into my "savings", which in practice was just money that I could pull from for whatever I felt like, but with a slight barrier to entry. I'd send my mom $300 to $400 out of whatever I made. More recently this number has been $400. Whether I made $650 or whether I made $900. I'd have a small amount to put towards my credit cards, the couple of subscriptions I wanted to pay for (Discord Nitro, XBox PC Game Pass, and more recently a patreon sub to Azeal), and the financing for my phone. This totaled roughly $105 a month. Everything else I made was spent. I'm annoyed with myself that I just spent the entire first year of my job-havng existence spending practically every penny I made instead of actually putting my foot down and fucking saving my money.
There was a period in time before my wisdom teeth got pulled where my mental health was in an incredibly poor state. I was having meltdowns at work on a regular basis, so my Assistant General Manager put me on a 3-day schedule for a little while. It was just for a couple of weeks. But when I got paid for that period, I made less than $400. It wiped out my savings when combined with what I felt obligated to send my mom, and my payments on my cards, which were practically entirely created from impulse spending. The next couple of months I worked 4 days a week, and I felt good about my schedule. I was making about $550 to $600, so things were tight, but I wasn't necessarily struggling. It was during this time that I stopped ordering food off of DoorDash, simply because it's not something I can afford to do for the quantity of food that you get for the cost.
The wisdom tooth removal greatly improved my mental state and I'm back to working 5 days a week now, but it cost nearly $300 to get done. Considering my financial state in the months prior, I had to put it on my credit cards, and this doubled my total pool of CC debt.
Ever since then, I've put a different financial plan into effect. Now, all of my money goes into my chime and 10% of my entire paycheck automatically drafts into my savings account, which has a relatively high 2% annual yield. Not just of the first $500. Then, I set aside $50 for myself, pay down $50 every check towards my cards which is split between the $25 minimums on two cards. $20 on the 10th of every month for my phone's financing. And then there's the $20-$30 for my brother's gas fee. My mom's portion for the bills and groceries, and then everything else goes to savings. But as I said, the portion my mom gets is in contention. At least internally, for now.
Considering my goal to get out of Florida sometime hopefully early-middle next year, I really need as much as I can get to go into that savings pool, which I am putting a much stricter hold on my spending from. Only necessities can come from it. And my mom's portion... well, the wonderful woman I'm moving in with in Washington, at least for the time being, has taken issue with the amount of money I send her every month. Saying it's abusive, asking for half or more of each paycheck I get, and seeming passive aggressive or sending me what feels like veiled threats when I respectfully ask if I can focus on my future more intently. What prompted it was asking if I could reduce what I was sending her. No specific number in mind, none mentioned, just less. I had sent her $250 this last pay period because my paycheck was around $80 less than I expected. She wonders if it was because of "being off so much", but that's not even true. I got sick and called out on ONE shift. Out of ten during those two weeks. One. I still worked 75 hours those two weeks, while still pretty sick.
I was honest with her. My paycheck was slightly less than expected, I did have to call out on Halloween, and I had bought a couple of things for her that she needed. RJ-11 patch cables to repair an air hockey table, and a new knob for the dryer. So she says everything I send is appreciated, with a little heart emoji. Then I asked her about reducing from the $400. Saying that my pay is too variable (due to tips) to be sending up to two thirds of my paycheck every two weeks when I want to be buying a car and leaving Florida next year. On top of that, the sense of obligation and stress that I felt, but was unsure where it was coming from.
Her response? She understands my point. However, I am soon to be 25, at least physically. That money is for food, water, electric bills, and more. She says I make almost as much money as she does, and that it's far less than I'd ever pay if I didn't live with her. This is what I said felt like a veiled threat, and on top of that "you make almost as much as me" is a lie. My monthly post-tax income is between $1300 and $1600, and hers is closer to $2500 as far as I know. On top of this, she's got her entire side business, which at one point was moving over $100K gross and was in a heavily expansionist mindset. I know for a fact it's still not small, with everything it's branched out to.
I'm the one who drafts the invoices for her third party work, does she think I can't see at least part of that supplemental income? Am I being gaslit? Certain friends and more-than-friends of mine seem to think so.
I also know for a fact I could live with a roommate and pay less than that for rent and utilities. I know I WILL be, when I move to Washington. But more on that in a bit.
It did remind me of something Brendan said to me when I got hired at my job. "She will bleed you dry if you let her, so be careful."
Now I'm wondering if I wasn't careful enough.
I know where I'm going when I leave Florida. That's been a known quantity for some time. There's a wonderful woman in Washington, near Seattle, who graciously invited me onto her couch. At least for a few months while I get on my feet up there. I'm gonna be living the U-Haul Lesbian stereotype. Moving to Seattle to get out of Florida and be with a woman I love, who has a place to offer, in a wonderful state for somebody like me. Washington is the only state in the union that has legal protections for transgender minors. But being in the PNW is just a bonus.
God, how gay is it for a woman to move to Seattle to be with a woman she loves? To go hiking and camping, to ride motorcycles. It seems dreamy. It's in reach. I just need time to save my money, and for my money not to be taken from me.
Signing off for the night, love y'all lots! Morgan~ (Trying that one on for size)