Blog Home >> My Blog


September 20, 2023


My diet is slipping. Not that I have any regimented plan for what I'm going to be eating, but I have been snacking more frequently. I'm losing myself around cookies most often, and I need to not be doing that. This means that my weight has stalled in the area between 255 and 260 pounds. But the good news is that I am finally starting to settle into something of an exercize routine. I've been working out consistently for the past three and a half weeks, which isn't something I have been able to say at any point in my life before now. Except maybe when I was six years old, when I was still praying to wake up a girl, and when I was taking Tae-Kwon-Do classes.

So far my routine consists of a protien shake (usually Orgain powders and sometimes premixed Premier Protien shakes), and the following exercises:

Lower Body Days

Monday, Wednesday, Friday, ideally.

  1. Squats (3x10 w/ 20lbs weight)
  2. Glute Bridges (3x12 w/ 10lbs weight)
  3. Side Leg Lifts (3x12 w/ 5lbs weight/leg)
  4. Fire Hydrants (3x12 w/ 5lbs weight/leg)

The squats are done while holding 10 pound dumbbells in both hands, and are primarily targeted at my thighs and glutes. The glute bridges are done with a pair of 5 pound ankle weights draped over my pelvis in such a way where they won't shift or fall off of me, and are primarily targeted at my glutes, the backs of my thighs, and my abs. The leg lifts and fire hydrants are both done with the same 5 pound ankle weights. The former is targeted at the muscles on the outside of my hips, and the latter are targeted at my outer glutes.

This routine is based on two routines I found online. The first was an article from a website called Wussymag, titled something along the lines of "Body Feminization Exercises for Transfeminine Individuals". This article no longer exists, but it detailed using squats, rear leg lifts, side leg lifts, side lunges, and step-ups. It also emphasized sets of 12 reps, and continuing until you can complete your last set with good form, but only just. This is apparently how you make hypertrophy happen. Muscle growth, building bulk. In this case, in your lower body in an attempt to force a more feminine physique.

The second routine I am using as a template is the Simple Mod Routine V3, from r/sissyfitness. Yes, the subreddit's name is... interesting, but they do provide good advice here. This one recommends a simplified routine for beginners, including squats, lunges or step-ups, and glute bridges. All of them at 3 sets of 20 as bodyweight exercises, or sets of 12 with weights. For those with more fitness experience, fire hydrants and side plank abductions are added as additional lower body workouts, and ab rollouts as a core workout at 3 sets of 6 to 10, increasing the number of reps as things get easier. On top of this, they recommend cardio. Getting your heart rate up a few times a week for an extended time.

Upper Body Days

Tuesday, Thursday, ideally.

  1. Side Raises (3x10 w/ 10lbs weight)
  2. Rows (3x12 w/ 10lbs weight)
  3. Chest Presses (3x10 w/ 10lbs weight)
  4. Curls (3x10 w/ 10lbs weight/leg)

All of these exercises are done with the same 10 pound dumbbells from the previously mentioned squats. This one is more custom based on the things I want to achieve. The side raises are for my shoulders, the rows are for my back, mostly. The chest presses are for my chest of course, and the curls are for my arms. It started with wanting to do rows to build muscle in my back, because I come home every day from work with back pain from standing up all the time. It already seems to be working, as the pain I do get is much less severe than it has tended to be.

It's good when I can see the way my body moves, in the reflections in the mirror or in the glass doors as I approach my workplace. The way I bend. The shapes that I know exist underneath. It's good when I can see these things and know I'm doing the right thing not only for my health, but for my transition. This will help me. I will be pleased when I am done.

The Dentist

I had a dentist's appointment today, at 8:00am, a bit over 12 hours ago, and after a long night spent with very little rest. My mom dropped me off at around 7:55, and I had to fill out some paperwork before they took me to the back. They called me Annika and miss [LASTNAME] while I was there, and gendered me correctly. One of the receptionists got the memo on the phone when I said that Annika and him were the same person. She understood, made sure my chosen name was in their files, and he only had to exist for insurance purposes. The same way that he only has to exist for payroll at work.

They took me to a room with one of their X-Ray machines and took their first set of scans. Then they took me to another, had me lay down on a table, and took some more detailed pictures of certain parts of my mouth. Biting down on the plastic ring that helped them aim their second X-Ray machine hurt the inside of my mouth quite a lot, and I gagged on it twice, which was apparently normal. The technician just apologized for the pain and gave me a break at one point. The two women had some issues getting pictures of my premolars, which was honestly not a surprise considering that five of the eight of them face in strange directions.

The hygenist came in next to examine my gums. I got talked to about my brushing and flossing habits, which historically have been nonexistent brushing maybe 1 to 3 times a week, but recently I've been trying to brush more often. He then performed my oral cancer screening, which came back clear, and took regular pictures of my teeth and before probing my gums for thickness and recession. This involved a lot of poking and stabbing with metal picks, and revealed some concerning things. While my gum recession was generally okay, not more than a millimeter in most places, my gum thickness measured 4 and 5 millimeters in many places and with plenty of bleeding. This means I probably have periodontitis. This is gum disease, an infection that has progressed to the point of most likely damaging the bone sockets around my teeth, which compromises their stability. I'll need to have a deep cleaning to clear any plaque or tartar that I might have, and likely be put on antibiotics to help the gums heal. Going forwards, I'll also need cleanings more frequently due to the risk of further damage.

The doctor came in last to examine my teeth. He asked about pain, tension, or any teeth I have specific concerns about. All of which I experience due to crowding, both of my lower wisdom teeth being impacted, and the bottom-left and top-right wisdom teeth being broken. He of course evaluated me having a deep overbite, which I already knew, as well as agreeing with me about the impacted wisdom teeth and deciding that all four should be extracted, plus one more tooth. A molar on my top right, just in front of my broken wisdom tooth that had a cavity on the back, near where the wisdom tooth is. An awkward to reach spot, hard to clean, so it's going to be extracted the same as the others.

That was the end of my appointment. I sat in that seat for a while longer while they were on the phone with my insurance provider, and then I went back to the front to discuss how much all of this would end up costing me. My insurance provider was giving me basically all they could, which is surprising to me. They're covering the maximum they will, which is 80% of the cost up to $2,000. This means that the total cost of just over $2300 came down to just $580. That's surprisingly... handleable. It won't be easy of course, but it's a lot better than I hoped.

When I got out of there, I walked next door to the McDonalds and bought myself a drink and a chicken McMuffin for $4 together, because I hadn't eaten anything that morning. It took my mom about 15 minutes to come get me, and I explained the situation to her on the way back. I got home and I was... tired. From poor sleep the night before, from going out alone in public and being poked and prodded in the mouth for two hours (which I'm still sore from), and from just... the weight of the realization of how deep my dental issues ran without me really knowing.

So... I am getting five teeth extracted on October 3rd, just two weeks from now. On October 30th, I'm going in for the first of two stages of my deep cleaning, with the second occurring a few weeks after that. And then a few months after that, I will go in for a maintenance cleaning.

While the cost of all of this work is daunting to me, the thing that upsets me most is the gum disease. This could have been avoided but... My ADHD and depression controlled me for too long. I didn't remember to brush my teeth, and I didn't care to when I did remember. It's too late now, though. This is a cleanup operation, not preventative care.

If you're reading this, please brush your teeth.

Annika LaFey signing off for now. *kisses*